Sues, Why Does It Always Have To Be Sues?
by arknox443275
Summary: In Hogwarts, something odd is happening, and the golden trio, Draco, Luna and Neville get sucked into the real world because of an Internet summoning spell and an invasion by Sues in their world. "Sam" as they say, is a skinny girl with some acne and the dullest looks in the world. So naturally, she's the one who summoned them.
1. Chapter 1

Hola!

**Yes, hello.**

Can't I go one chapter in peace?

**Nope.**

Fine, _you _do the disclaimer then.

**Fine. Arknox443275 own nothing except for her weird OC Samantha. Oh. And me. And the plot. And her kindle fire. And her odd looking birthmark that's the shape of a-**

Alright Emma! We get it!

* * *

_Oh Me, Oh My!_

The illusive samvk814329, otherwise known as Samantha Vivian Keeley in the real world, scrolled through the millions of files on her computer. "Here it is..." she mumbled under her breath while clicking a very VERY old story of hers. "Breaking the Veil... how old was I when I made this... god..." she said in horror. It was three o' clock in the morning and she had nothing other than sleep (three cups of coffee removes said option) or write. She settled on reading.

'The couple smiled at each other, Edelweiss Marlene Rubenstein and Harry James Potter were madly in love with each other. They looked at one another before saying "I do." At the same time. Edelweiss giggled and Harry laughed as he captured her soft ruby lips in a heart warming kiss.' (A/N: I don't know what's more disturbing, the fact that I actually had to write that... or the fact it wasn't as hard as usual.)

"Oh right... this was the dare fic that my idiot friend Charlotte blackmailed me to make after I revealed her secret about her and Lewis Mathews..." Sam smiled, she then sighed and opened up Fanfiction. She logged in and scrolled down the 'Harry Potter' section when a certain fic caught her eye.

'Cupcakes and Sprinkles at Hogwarts'  
By Glitter Sparkle Gal

When the charming and perfect Marietta Estella Saraphina Ruby Sparkle Heart of the Golden Age III came to Hogwarts, nothing turned out the same. She and George Weasley fall helplessly in love and face the trials and troubles of the outside world.

Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/ Hurt/Comfort - George W./OC - Chapters: 42 - Words: 103,463 - Reviews: 607 - Favs: 2,098 - Follows: 4,274 - Updated: 12-17-12 - Published: 5-21-07'

Sam clicked on this fic and skimmed over the words.

'Marietta Estella Saraphina Ruby Sparkle Heart of the Golden Age III was a beautiful and modest woman of strength and equal power to women and men alike. She had a doll like figure and heart shaped face with plump bleeding rose lips, natural looking make up, her hair was an entrancing sky blue delicacy that fell into perfect ringlets. Her deep genie purple eyes captured everyone's heart with its pain and sorrow. When she was born, her mother ran off who knows where and her father beat and abused her sexually and physically (along with emotionally, mentally and abuse in general) and now she has run away and head off to Hogwarts.'

"AHHH! My eyes burn!" Sam whisper-screamed at the horror before her.

That night, Samantha Vivian Keeley had horrid Sue filled nightmares, for the fist time in 15 years.

At 8:26 AM the next morning. Sam looked at the fanfiction board and saw that Glitter Sparkle Gal had posted a new chapter. It was a cold and chilly Saturday morning and also the beginning of winter break.

"What to do... what to do..." Sam clicked as she looked at the ancient scrolls, and the Internet, for help.

'How to Summon Harry Potter Characters.

Step I: Look directly at something important to you. (Sam looked at her collection of Harry Potter books)

Step II: Don't blink! (Sam stared)

Step III: Say "Jeg innkalle deg av Harry Potter." (Sam chanted said words)

Step IV: Think of the people you ant to summon. (Harry, Draco, Neville, Hermione, Luna, Ron...)

Step V: Make sure to hide them well! Have a good summoning!

In a flash of light, the golden trio, Draco, Luna, and Neville appeared.

"Internet rocks." Sam grinned.

The confused six looked at her and screamed.

Sam, for effect, screamed back.

"Where the bloody hell are we!" Ron gasped.

"Welcome my pupils." Sam said.

Everyone turned to look at her.

"That was some powerful stuff to summon someone, especially six students out of a protected area." Hermione said.

"It's not power that makes the witch, is the witch that makes the power." Sam stated.

"Anyone else got a bad feeling about her?" Harry said through a creepy smile.

"Right. On to why on earth I spent most of my morning looking online for this." Sam said checking the clock. 10:58.

"There is something called a Mary Sue. Harry, I'm sorry to say that for a dare fanfic - I'll get to that- I created one. Her name was Edelweiss Marlene Rubenstein."

"That was you!" Harry yelled accusingly.

"Yes, so sorry, but now there's a new Sue out on the loose. Her name is Marietta Estella Saraphina Ruby Sparkle Heart of the Golden Age III.

"She's made by a girl called Glitter Sparkle Gal. Whoever the devil she is, I don't know and she better hope that never happens.

"I don't even know what the story is about but it's something cheesy where Draco falls 'helplessly in love (Draco pulled a face while Sam gagged) and Harry steals her instead, then she ends up being the daughter of Sirius Black or something like that.

"A fanfic is a story made off of another story. There are hundred thousands of them on a website.

"I need help and apparently I never thought I'd actually get as far as summoning you so..." Sam finished with awkward silence. "What year are you in?" Sam asked.

"Fifth" Everyone but Luna said. Instead she said "fourth."

"Right... where in your year?" Sam asked.

"I just had my date with Cho...OW!" Harry yelped when Sam slaped him over the head.

"That's for being a git in the face of women." Sam said.

"I guess I deserved it." Harry admitted.

"No you didn't!" Ron yelled.

Smack! "That's for third, fourth and this year!" Sam glared.

"How do you know all this?" Draco asked.

"M'dear Draco, you're all FICTIONAL in a BOOK series. I know all your secrets." Sam smirked causing sensible people to scoot away.

"Right." Neville said.

"Sam!" Her mother called.

"Shit." Sam cursed. "Stay, if my mom comes... hide in the closet..." And with that she left the room.

"This place is weird." Ron stated.

"She really made me kiss that Edel-whatever chic?" Harry asked plotting revenge.

"She summoned us to another world?" Hermione asked in awe.

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Ha ha! Thank you for reading! R&R please!


	2. The Hollow Tree

"Sorry, just my... what the bloody hell!" Sam yelled at the six.

Luna was dreamily gazing at the window while sitting on Sam's bed. Harry was trying to create magic (which unfortunately worked) and was dueling with Draco. Hermione was checking out Sam's iPhone 5. Which was now going through a break and repair cycle. Ron was pigging out on her mini refrigerator. And Neville was prodding her Harry Potter posters to move. And he succeeded.

Everyone stopped what they were doing. Except Luna who just gazed her spaced out eyes on Sam.

"Give me that!" Sam said grabbing Harry's wand. Surprisingly enough she felt a warm feeling. "You too!" She yelled grabbing Draco's as well.

Sam threw open her burrow and threw the two wands in it.

"Alright. Here's the deal." Sam said. "Ron. Wand. Now." She glared at a scared Ron who quickly gave her his wand. "Repello muggletum." She felt kind of stupid doing it because she almost knew it wouldn't work. "I wonder if that worked?" Sam asked. "Oh... that's right... I need to pick out a birthday card for mum... what am I saying?"

"It worked." Hermione said.

"How!" Sam asked.

"How'd you know that charm?" Neville asked.

"Fan thing." Sam stated shortly after casting some more repelling charms.

"You six are going to be staying at my house while my mom's vacationing with my aunt in Peru. You're rooms are... Harry, you get the closet as well as Ron. Neville, I like you best out of the book series (Neville turned a bit pink while the others snickered), so you get the attic that nobody ever goes into...

"Hermione and Luna, please share the roomy bathroom, and Draco... never really liked you despite my friend Charlie, who's a girl, calling you a- I'm sure you'll find out swell on your own. You can have my old wardrobe I forgot about." Sam said giving them back their wands. "Since there's no Ministry of Magic, you can extend using the Undetectable Extension charm, Scouring charm to clean, and some Transfiguration. Whatever."

They saluted and got to work.

When they were done Sam checked on Ron and Harry. They're rooms were decked out in red and gold with two twin beds and tables, a chest, a wardrobe. They apparently had robes and clothes.

Draco had a four poster bed with silver hangings, his walls were forest green and he had an oak wardrobe (inside a wardrobe).

Luna and Hermione made the roomy side of the bathroom into a lovely purple room with two queen sized beds and a wardrobe and a lot of other things.

Neville's was like Ron and Harry's except he had more of an earth theme in his room.

"Now. You're all cozy. We need to find a way to get rid of Glitter Sparkle Gal or improve her writing." Sam shuddered.

"Can Charlie help?" Neville asked.

"Oh, forgot you didn't know anything about Charlie." Sam said.

"I'm home!" A voice from downstairs sang.

"Speak of the devil." Sam muttered.

"Come on, Luna, I want you to be there first." Sam smiled.

"Oh Char Char!" Sam replied in the same annoying sing song voice that nearly broke your ear drums.

_Downstairs..._

"Cool! Another fan girl!" Charlie squealed, she had darkest red hair that nearly made it look black but the largest brown puppy eyes that would melt you. "You sure she can handle our insanity?" Charlie asked.

"I can handle Harry Potter, I can handle anything." Luna smiled.

"Alright- name, wand, character, favorite character from Harry Potter, intentions, one important fact that only a true Harry Potter fan would know." Charlie said shooting off her mouth.

"Luna Cecilia Lovegood, oak, Luna... Lovegood?, Ginny Weasley, no intentions, and Merlin was a Slytherin." Luna replied.

"Wait... what? Did her parent have some mental issues with names or..."

"No, Charlie, this is real." Sam said looking her dead in the eye.

"Alright." Charlie shrugged.

"Seriously, you're just- going along with that?" Sam asked.

"Hey, I once brought that hot elf Legolas to my house." Charlie smiled.

"You told me he was a nerd!" Sam exclaimed.

"Wouldn't want my Leggy Bear being taken, who knows what they could've done." Charlie scolded.

"Who knows what you've done." Sam shuddered.

"Now, last time my eyes wondered, they crashed my room, be warned." Sam said slowly opening the door so the hinges squeaked.

But they did not cause any mayhem or mischief nor trouble or issues. Everything was perfectly fine when Sam, Charlie and Luna walked in.

"Remember Orelie Belladonna Ellyn Anna-Marie Jane something else." Sam asked turning to Harry.

"You made her too!" Harry yelled in frustration.

"I did." Charlie admitted, truly... it was a stupid story, so she deleted it and moved onto Percy Jackson for a month or two... years...

Harry's glaze shifted to Charlie.

"_Why I ought a..._"

"I ought a kill you all." Sam warned.

Harry obeyed like a puppy.

"You're good." Charlie observed.

"Have you seen the new FF writer, Glitter Sparkle Gal?" Sam questioned.

"You _know_ her!" Charlie screamed, "Let me at her!"

"I don't own her." Sam emphasized, "We're trying to find out where she is."

"I just do what I normally do when there's a Sue involved, I can't believe we never caught her." Charlie smiled.

"What?" Harry, normally quiet, asked.

Charlie took out a gold coin thing with:

**A.S.C.F**  
**1975**

,engraved as part of an acronym.

"What does A.S.C.F. stand for? Is it something like S.P.E.W.?" Hermione questioned, everyone who ever heard of S.P.E.W. groaned.

"In a way Hermione." Sam reassured.

"All you need to do is follow me to my backyard. Be warned of oompaloompas, I was experimenting and..." But Charlie said no more as she led the gang into her backyard (with the minor exception of a very angry midget).

"Viola! Semi-instant Sue relief!" Charlie praised a battered tree with some sort of runes on it, the runes were:_ Θέλω να είμαι ελεύθερος , μηνύει δεν κρατά φυλακή._

"I wish to be free," Charlie translated, "Sues do not hold me prison."

And slowly, the bark of the tree lifted to reveal a small coin holder about the size of the one that Charlie owned.

Charlie placed the coin with what was the same runes as on the tree(which Sam understood was Greek) facing down, and the A.S.C.F. engraved.

"Charlotte Chatsworth, Team Four SF12." Charlie clearly stated into the tree.

"Welcome back Charlotte Chatsworth, to the Anti-Sue Contradiction Force."

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**Finally finished with this chapter! Do you like the name? I had Anti-Sue down, then the rest was half the chapter effort. Condradict means to disagree or to prove wrong for some who don't know, I'm going to throw in random things from not HP but it's mostly HP. Like hints or Percy Jackson or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (oompaloompas).**

**Fun fact of the day (I'm startng these): If you translate**

**"I wish to be free, Sues do not hold be prison" to Greek, it translates**** "Θέλω να είμαι ελεύθερος , μηνύει δεν κρατά φυλακή" but translate it back to English and it's "I want to be free, not suing state prisons"**

**If it doesn't post**** the runes then google translate the phrase.**

**So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn!**_  
_


	3. The Anti-Sue Contradiction Force

**Here's short story long. I am tied up in homework, guitar and flute, weekends are very busy, chores are hell, can't focus, reading book I need to finish because it's been out of the library for two months. I don't own Harry Potter!**

**Ps. I'm hung up on Once Upon A Time so I'm also obsessed with Peter Pan :)**

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Sam could only stare at the vision around her.

"What is this place?" She asked Charlie.

"This is the home base of an organization that deals with Mary Sues in fanfiction." Charlie explained.

"This is incredible." Hermione gasped.

And her words didn't lie, high-tech computers were line up against the wall. Teleportation devices here and there, a wall of Televisions with lists of Mary Sue plagued fanfictions.

On the larger TV, LORD OF THE RINGS was labeled, and 'Cupcakes and Sprinkles at Hogwarts by Glitter Sparkle Gal' was flashing at the top.

"Who are they, Miss Charlotte?" A voice behind them asked.

They all spun around to see a stern faced woman with short blond hair in a pixie cut, wrinkles around her face but the crease of smile still noticeable. She wore a black blazer and long pencil skirt. Pinned to the left of her blazer was a tag saying 'Linda Griffin, Supreme Administrator of the A.S.C.F.'

"Hello, Madam Griffin." Charlie greeted in a fashion she never used to address others. "This is my friend, Samantha Keeley, and six members of the Harry Potter fiction."

"Hermione Granger, pleasure to meet you." Hermione smiled.

"Quite," Miss Griffin nodded in a curt manner. "Now, Miss Charlotte." She once more turned to Charlie. "Is there any word on The Mission? The entire company depends on it."

"Yes, Anna from level five informed me that Glitter Sparkle Gal is promising to move her story into the M rating. She is plaguing the innocent mind of her followers." Charlie was gritting her teeth which each words she said.

"Alas, that cannot be helped until we trace her identity." Miss Griffin sighed, "She is clever, I can give her that. No matter what we try, she is untraceable."

"We have been graced, do not forget." Sam inputted, not liking how she talked so eloquently. "While the average author of a Harry Potter Mary Sue fanfiction would go after Harry, this went after the lesser of twins."

"Aye," Miss Griffin agreed.

"If you don't mind me cutting in," Ron stated. "What exactly is stopping you from locating the author?"

"I fear she has absorbed herself in the actual fiction, it is like an obsession on her part." Charlie explained. "I fear that she has become a level nine Sue."

Miss Griffin's eyes widened and she formed a silent gasp.

"A level nine Sue, are you sure Miss Charlotte, this is no thing to be joking about." Miss Griffin said

"I wish it wasn't so." Charlie sighed.

"Pardon my interruption, but what exactly is a level nine Sue?" Neville asked. Harry remained silent in, what is assumed, shock.

"It's when an Mary Sue author becomes so made into her work that she becomes the Sue herself and as she does her activities the fiction writes itself." Harry said, pale as a ghost.

"Indeed Mr. Potter," A sullen Miss Griffin agreed.

"How do you know of this?" Charlie asked.

"Mr. Potter is a common target amongst the authors, not all protection spells hide from the eyes of muggles and foul evil." Miss Griffin explained.

"Sue authors are foul evil enough." Draco sneered.

"You do not lie, Malfoy." Neville agreed.

"You bring five war heroes and one hot death eater in training, smart Sammy." Charlie said sarcastically.

Draco looked surprised at this, while the Golden Trio snickered and Luna and Neville covered their mouths trying not to laugh.

"Next you'll ask where Haldir is." Sam rolled her eyes.

"Who?" Luna asked, expressing her thirst for knowledge.

"Fan thing." The two friends waved off.

"I have a task to assign to you, and your friend if she is willing to help." Miss Griffin said.

"I shall hold any favor so long as the association still stands." Charlie replied.

"I'll go to." Sam shrugged.

"You and your company shall travel to the Wizard realm and take part as two Hogwarts students." Miss. Griffin told them. "Miss Charlotte, you are Daniel Mayes, fifth year Slytherin. Your head of house shall be informed.

"Miss Samantha, from what your friend has told me, you would do well as Carolyn Boyce, fifth year Gryffindor. Come this way to the DNA Scrambler."

They were lead to what looked like a camera hooked up to a computer, which was connected to a tainted blue containment unit capsule-pod type of thing.

"Step here," Miss Griffin said pointing to a big X marked with red duct tape on the floor.

They both looked at each other and, before she had time to think much, Charlotte stepped forward. In a flash, after typing though, Charlotte had long black, straight hair and hazel eyes, she was clothed in black Hogwarts robes with a silver lining, literally.

"Here's your life, read cautiously." Miss Griffin handed her a green laminated sheet with very tiny print on it.

When Sam stood on the X, she was very nervous.

"Ready?" Miss Griffin asked, apparently Charlie must've had more experience, because once she was hit she couldn't easily suppress the urge to vomit. She looked in the mirror to see a girl with curly brown hair and large, blue eyes. She wore a Gryffindor robe and carried a book bag fill with parchment, ink, quills and etcetera.

When she looked at the card that Miss Griffin handed her it said stuff such as "Birthday: November 14, 1979" to "Animal: Small owl named Owen" and "Note: Bad with names" (Sam was slightly disappointed with this one).

"Now step in the pods." Miss Griffin ordered, they did as they were told. One by one they sky rocketed to the Unknown.

Sam woke up with a jolt and fell out of bed.

"Go back to sleep, Carolyn." The unmistakable voice of Lavender Brown groaned as Sam heard covers shift. Sam almost asked what was going on.

"Like- totally." The more so annoying voice that belong to, it had to have been, Marietta Estella Saraphina Ruby Sparkle Heart of the Golden Age III said.

_Crap_, Sam though bitterly, _We're screwed_. She didn't know what the mission was.

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**And there you have it! Review om this please! Worked long and hard I have. For you people who wish to know about The Potter Twins and the Exposure of Doom, it's coming on for chapter 4- who am I kidding? I'm screwed. I can't think straight with all this High School stuff. I feel like a pixie compared to the Seniors- I feel like a pixie next to eighth graders for crying out loud!**

**Fun fact of the day: Carolyn is the name of my fist best friend, and Damien was the name of my second. So don't be surprised if you see them in upcoming chapters/stories.**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: Updates won't be for a while because I want to plan ahead and start preparing for equal chapters, etc.**


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